Friday, 12 March 2010

Chiquitos and the fried ice cream saga

You might recall my pathetic ramblings to the Chiquitos restaurant last year when I discovered that they no longer served fried ice cream on their desert menu.  If you need reminding you can read it all here http://blog.clivegott.com/2009/08/now-they-have-stolen-my-ice-cream-away.html#more

Allow me to bring you up to date.  Following my pathetic pleas for them to reinstate friend ice cream I received a phone call from Spencer the operations director at Chiquitos.  Spencer explained that the menu had changed and also why it had changed.  I wasn’t completely convinced that fried ice cream needed to be removed but Spencer did a great job in helping me come to terms with my loss.  Part of this was to send me a VIP voucher for £50 which I could use to sample the new deserts menu.  We finally got round to using it this week and discovered that there is indeed a new and extensive deserts menu, in fact a whole new menu right across the board which we duly sampled.  This is my reply to Spencer...


10th March 2010

Dear Spencer

You might recall waaaaay back in September last year that we had a discussion regarding Chiquitos no longer serving fried ice cream.  You were kind enough to send me a £50 voucher in order that I could go to my local restaurant and sample your new line of deserts.  Well last night that’s exactly what Elaine and I did when we visited your outlet at Clifton Moor in York.  As usual I started with the chicken wings and followed that up with some chilli for main and then it was on to the new and improved desert menu which of course was our main reason for visiting you.

On initial inspection the desert menu looked very tempting indeed.  With thirteen new dishes to choose from it was always going to be something of a gamble as to whether we would choose the right ones.  In the end Elaine went for the Fruit Enchilada and I stumped for the Banana Taquito.  Neither of us were disappointed in our choices Spencer (although I don’t think frying bananas is a natural thing to do...yeah I know...and frying ice cream is???) and we will certainly be returning at some point to sample the Raspberry Creme Brulee, but it just wasn’t fried ice cream.  If my new God Daughter ever comes to me with a real challenge in life I can’t see me saying “let’s go and have Torte Paradisa” or “I know what you need, you need Chiquitos Sorbet margarita” as I used to do when my baby had a challenge.  I guess life moves on though Spencer and so must I but I will always lament the passing of what I consider to be the finest desert ever offered in any restaurant I have visited.  In any case I applaud and very much appreciate your generosity in sending me the voucher. It was a nice touch and a fine example of customer service.

On the matter of customer service Spencer I can’t let last evening pass without bigging up our waiter last night.  Mathew was a delight.  He was not just a credit to that particular restaurant he was, I believe, a credit to Chiquitos in general.  If there is any way that he can be recognised for his commitment to great service with a smile, and at times with an outright belly laugh, it would be recognition well deserved.  Thank you again for your time and consideration Spencer
Warmest regards

In closing let me say that Chiquitos is in effect a fast food restaurant staffed mainly by young people.  I have experienced many of these establishments where the service and choice of food has been anything bbut pleasurable.  On this occasion at least I can say that if you ever want to take the kids out for a treat or if you are going to the cinema and fancy eating before or after your film then Chiquitos at Clifton Moor York should be somewhere on your ‘places to visit for a meal’ list.

Wednesday, 03 March 2010

What do your Vapour Trails say about you?

I was playing golf the other day in absolutely beautiful conditions, it was a crisp morning, the sun was at its best and the sky was clear and blue.  One of the wonderful benefits of a clear blue sky is that I am able to look at some amazing vapour trails left by aircraft.  Those of you who have seen or heard my signature key note presentation ‘Vapour Trails’ (www.clivegott.com) will know that waaaaaay back in 1986 it was looking at vapour trails that had such a profound effect on me that I changed my entire way of life because of them.  To cut a long story short I was 27 years old and as well as a few other negative things going on in my life, including being so fat that it was quicker to climb over me than walk round, I had never been out of the UK or flown in any sort of aircraft.  On one particularly gorgeous day I looked up and saw some vapour trails and I wondered where they were going.  It was then and there that I decided that I was sick of looking at other peoples vapour trails and that it was time to start leaving some of my own...and so the adventure began.

Anyway back to golf the other day.  During our customary coffee break after the first 9 holes I posted this message on facebook...


Clive is playing golf in beautiful weather marveling at some amazing vapour trails. What do your vapour trails say about you?

A few people commented on it but the nicest comment came from Adam who wrote...


“I want vapour trail glasses for Christmas Clive, how do I see peoples Vapour trails?”

This was my short answer to Adam...


“In many ways Adam. By the impression they leave on you, in their actions from day to day and the impact those actions have on others, by noticing if what they say and what they do are congruent. In short my friend your vapour trail is your legacy. “

I have spoken many times recently about how I believe that we should all make an effort to at least try to discover what our purpose is in life.  A purpose is described as being why we do what we do and what we want to be remembered for.  I guess our vapour trails will let those who follow us know whether we actually lived up to that purpose or not.  It doesn’t really matter who you are or what you do in life it doesn’t change the fact that everything that you do leaves a trail for others to follow...or not...as they see fit.  So my original question on face book still stands...


“What do your vapour trails say about you?”

How will people know that you have visited their lives, whether that visit was as short as a few moments or as long as a lifetime, what legacy will you leave behind you?  When you visit a restaurant for example what will the people who have just served you say about you when you leave?  After all there is a good chance that how you treated them will have an impact on how they treat the next people that they serve as well as how they serve you next time too.  Although it might be true that first impressions are important it is worth remembering that the last thing people see you do or hear you say is probably going to stick with them for just as long.  So I leave you with the question again...


“What do your vapour trails say about you...and would you be happy for others to follow them?”

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Discipline on Values

Discipline

“Mental or moral training; orderly behaviour...”

In our early lives discipline is something that is done to us by parents, teachers and the like.  As we grow both physically and emotionally we are able to think and act for ourselves although for the most part the rules are still set for us by our ‘leaders.’  However, when you think about it we are all leaders of some sort and so have some responsibility for some of the discipline that is handed out to others.  Kids are leaders in the playground; they have their rules and are happy to dish out their own version of discipline when those rules are broken.  Parents have a responsibility to lead their off spring by setting rules and boundaries and ensuring that those rules are adhered to.  And in our work lives most of us have some sort of leadership role to play.  Even I as a professional speaker with only myself on the payroll have a responsibility to lead by example.  In the end though it doesn’t matter who sets the rules, how they are enforced or whether we agree with them or not, as leaders we have a responsibility to set an example and at least be seen to be following them. 


When it comes down to it the only discipline that we have absolute control over is self discipline.  It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do you still have your own understanding of what right and wrong is and this is where you should start when you set your own rules.  Because to be absolutely frank with you if you can’t lead yourself what are you doing even trying to lead others.  So what are the rules that you have set yourself that you aspire to in order to remain true to what you believe is right and wrong?  What I am really asking you here is what your personal values are?  I don’t mean what is your company mission statement; most people even if they knew what that was probably weren’t involved in its creation.  The same probably applies to the values of your organisation.  So I say again, what I am asking here is what your PERSONAL values are?


My truth is that a value is one of those impudent little things that pop up in your life when you are trying to decide between what you WANT to do and what you know that you SHOULD do.  Allow me to give you a personal example.  I have six major values that I aspire to live day in and day out one of which is Integrity.  During the first quarter of 2009 I accepted an Invitation to speak in Manchester six months later in October for a fee that was exactly 25% of my ‘full’ fee.  About six weeks prior to the engagement I was contacted by a Pharmaceutical company who I have worked extensively for in the past for my full fee.  They asked me to speak at their National conference in London on the same date.  You can see my dilemma here, accept the Pharma invitation that would pay me 75% more for two hours less work and give back word to the other client or remain true to my value of integrity and tell them that I was already booked.  Of course I explored the possibility of doing both which would have been possible had they not both been morning events.  But when it became obvious that doing both was not an option my decision was a no-brainer and I kept my agreement in Manchester.  I saw this as a brilliant test of my commitment to my values, something that happens regularly when you know what your rules are.


The main challenge with adhering to personal values is that you are the only one who can truly hold you responsible for doing so and only you know if you really are true to them.  There are no parents or teachers around to chastise or praise you.  Likewise the government were not responsible for determining your personal values so there are no police to check on whether what you are thinking or doing is legal or not.  And so we come full circle because if you are the only one who can determine your adherence to your values then the only discipline that we have absolute control over is self-discipline. 

Tuesday, 09 February 2010

Let go of being let down

In his brilliant book ‘Awareness’ Anthony De-Mello tells us that it is not possible for anyone to let us down explaining that THEY haven’t let us down, it was our initial judgement of them that let us down.  I have to admit that I struggled with this for some time because I seem to have been let down (and also felt as though I have done my share of letting people down) for as long as I can remember.   I’m sure we can all recite a list of the people who have let us down or the relationships that have gone belly up because “now I can see them for who they really are”  or as my last blog spoke about because they “showed their true colours.” 

One of my major personal values is Cause and Effect in that I believe that everything that happens to me is in some way connected to my actions or beliefs.  The concept that someone letting me down was also connected to this value though took some accepting.  So much so that I booked some time with my councillor and spiritual mentor Jon.  Speaking with Jon (initially at least) only served to confuse the matter even more because he introduced to concept of ‘shadow love’ into the discussion. 

Jon explained that shadow love is an amalgamation of those things that we look through, round or over when we first meet someone but that will piss us off in a few months when the novelty has worn off.   I guess this is relevant for other things like new jobs or friendships as well as relationships.  In relationships though it works like this.  You see someone across a room or you are introduced to someone who is to say the least aesthetically pleasing.  They have all, or at least a lot, of the physical qualities that you have been looking for in a partner and to add to that when you are introduced they say something that makes you laugh...perfection, for the moment at least you are in relationship utopia.  For the next few weeks you go on a few dates and he / she is obviously doing everything they can to impress you, because they think the same about you as you do about them.  At this point both of you know that there are things lurking in the shadows that you are keeping secret from them for now at least until you are both more comfortable with each other.  Perhaps you met him in June when the footie season was dead and you didn’t realise that he was obsessed with his team and followed them everywhere, and to top it off he plays on a Sunday morning and watches the game in the pub with the boys in the afternoon.  Maybe when you met her she had just been paid or you were happy to pay for most things because that’s what you do when you are trying to woo her and you didn’t realise that she was a spendthrift with a wardrobe full of so many shoes that she couldn’t wear them all if she lived to be 100.

It might be that his manners with regards to bodily functions are impeccable when you first get together and you just thought that he flushed the toilet a lot, you didn’t realise that he was flushing it to drown out the sound of an escaped fart.  And for the guys perhaps you were always impressed that whenever you met her she was always immaculately presented, it didn’t occur to you that to get this look takes at least three hours EVERY time you go somewhere.   There are worse and more sinister things I could mention as well but you probably get the picture don’t you?  These things are ALWAYS there, they have always behaved like it but because you have just met and are keen to only see the good in them you choose to ignore those things that you know for a fact in six months time will piss you off.  And then after you have been going out for a while and are starting to feel a little more comfortable with each other you start to notice those things that up until now you have chosen to ignore and it starts to sink in that perhaps this person is not perfect, perhaps they have some negative traits that you would prefer that they didn’t have that, up to now, you have tolerated.  THIS IS WHEN THE SHADOWS DISAPPEAR and you have to decide whether they are worth putting up with or whether this relationship has run its course.  And this is where we say something like “you aren’t the person I met, you have changed, and I’m not too sure that you are the one for me.”  Blame starts to be allocated, reciprocal statements are directed towards you and, unless you are prepared to accept this person for who they TRULY are and not the perfect specimen that you thought they were, the relationship is over and blame has to be apportioned.   Next time you see your friends and break the news to them they are startled because they thought you were a perfect couple, soooooo right for each other.  And you say “He / she weren’t the person we thought they were.”    

Once Jon had explained this to me it also went some way to explaining what De Mello meant when he said that someone can’t let us down; only our initial judgement of them can let us down.

Isn’t it closer to the truth that the person who you claim has let you down because they didn’t live up to your expectation of them was just being the person they have always been, and either you thought that you could change them or they would treat you differently.  Or perhaps it is something as simple as they just weren’t the person that you really wanted them to be.  It is at this point that we say that someone has let us down because blaming them for letting you down is less painful and humiliating than accepting that your initial judgement of them was wrong.

So there it is I wasn’t let down recently when I stood up for someone when it seemed that others were telling me what they would do in the end.  I simply made a wrong judgement of them and it was that judgement that let me down.  This doesn’t mean that I intend to spend the rest of my life not trusting anyone.  Neither does it mean that if person A tells me that person B is not to be trusted I will immediately believe person A and avoid person B.  I still intend to make my own judgement of people and I will accept responsibility for that judgement whatever happens.   

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Should we defend our true colours?

The question I am asking is should showing our true colours be something that we have to defend?  My truth is that I don’t feel that I should have to do so but I do feel that at times I am being required to.

One evening recently I spent two hours in my dining room with the young son of a friend of ours. I was helping him put together a presentation for an exam he is taking at school.  There was no payment and time was not an object to me as long as he left comfortable with what he was doing.  At no point since has anyone said to me “you really showed your true colours there didn’t you?”  And I would never expect anyone to say so. 

At the other end of the scale last week I made it clear to someone that I was no longer prepared to put up with their sarcasm and constant sniping at my physical CV.  I told them a few of my truths as to why I was no longer prepared to accept the way they spoke to me reminding them that they had not earned the right to criticise me, not on that matter anyway.  It was then that I received a vitriol laced email from them telling me in no uncertain terms that I was not the person I purported to be in my books etc and that my reaction to their ’fun’ was “really showing my true colours.” 

Yesterday I was with Russ and Steve playing golf because it was a Tuesday and that’s what we do on Tuesdays.  On the 3rd I drove my ball so high that my tee went further down the fairway than my ball did when it eventually landed.  On the 17th I put it in the woods to the left...again.  On both occasions (and probably at least a couple of others during the round) my self-talk was less than complimentary about my playing ability and I said a few things to myself that I certainly would not have said in front of my Mum were she still with us.

So which of these events really, I mean REALLY, showed me in my true colours?  My answer is that all of them did and I am never going to defend myself for any of them.  Because here’s my truth about me with regards to all three of these events...

1.  I am someone who learned a long time ago to give without remembering and to receive without forgetting.  If giving a little of my time can help someone along the way then I am more than happy to give it.  Likewise if a few words or a kind deed can help someone to make sense of the world right now then I am more than prepared to do or say what I can if it will help, and it very often does.

2. Whilst I am in an honest and un-censored discussion I will (no longer) allow myself to be the subject of someone else’s ridicule.  I am very proud of everything I have achieved physically and will defend that against criticism and ridicule as I need to, especially from those who have no qualification to do so.  I value myself enough to know who I am and to stand up for that person when the need arises.  This does not always involve confrontation though.  Today I ordered an extra hot Latte which when it arrived was luke warm, so I asked very politely for it to be re-heated at which point Jonathan actually made me a new Latte.  You see when I ‘complain’ I make a point of doing so politely.  I also knew Jonathan’s name because I asked it when he served me, I usually do when someone serves me.  Likewise on the train recently I asked a young man to turn down his ipod as it was disturbing me and some other passengers.  A fellow passenger thanked me saying that they would never have had the confidence to ask.  Again I asked politely and the young man was happy to oblige.

3. I am an inspirational speaker, I am not a bloody saint.  When I get it wrong on a golf course I would love to be able to say “oh dear, I have put my T shot into the woods again.  I seem to do that regularly on this hole, perhaps I should address my driving ability or even purchase some new equipment.”  That’s what I would like to say.  I am not about to print what I am more likely to say in this blog, it would probably break some decency law or other.  Likewise I am usually ok when I’m stuck in traffic but sometimes I would rather not be and on those occasions positive re-framing is a very difficult skill to utilise.  And I would love to attend a live Rhinos game and be able to say “gosh referee that was a strange decision.  I can’t say I agree that their player was on-side when he received that ball and scored a try but I respect that your knowledge of the rules is far greater than mine in these matters and as such I will now applaud the opposition for some sterling rugby...”  Again that’s what I would LIKE to say but I am not ashamed to say that next time I vociferously question the quality of the referee’s eyesight will not be my first.  And if I am truly honest being diagnosed with depression in 2007 was not an ideal career move for an inspirational speaker but I was and now I'm not.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that although there are those out there who think that we in the inspirational and motivational speaking field are always able to find a positive spin on things and we are always ready to take criticism as just someone voicing their opinion “which they are very much entitled to do...”  They may also think that we never curse or get drunk and that for a motivational speaker gambling is the most abhorrent activity ever invented I’m afraid, for this one at least, it just doesn’t work like that.  With me what you see is what you get.  My true colours are who I am and I for one am very proud to know me.

Friday, 08 January 2010

So...did bull***t stop or were you just pretending?

Well here we are, 7th January and the first week of the New Year is over and done with.  So, how’s it going, how are those positive intentions holding out?  How many of you have already had your first fag of the year even though you swore that the one you had at half three in the morning on new year’s day was going to be your last?  How many of you are gagging to go out for a beer even though you swore that you were off it for at least three months and now the only thing stopping you going out for one is the fact that you can’t afford to.  In fact the only thing that makes keeping that promise through January easy is the fact that you haven’t got any money left after Christmas?  Personally I know of at least one person who hasn’t seen through their commitments because there is an Avon catalogue still sat on my door step that, if the label on it is to be believed, should have been picked up on Wednesday 30th December.  Perhaps that is another good intention that has gone belly up as well?

My guess is that the majority of you reading this will have either slipped at least once on your resolution or let it go altogether.  I will even hazard a guess as to why, it’s probably because whatever it was that you said you were going to do was something that you knew deep down you either didn’t want to start or you didn’t want to give up in the first place...in short you were lying to yourself hoping that this time you would mean it.

In 2006 I wrote a short book about my exploits in the Marathon Des Sables called “When the flag drops the bull***t stops.”  The title wasn’t exactly original, I think it has evolved over the years in several athletic fields, it was though very relevant to the story I was writing.  The idea came about after some smart arse stuck their head in our tent at the end of day one and bragged that they had just eaten steak and drunk some wine.  Why this person felt the need to brag about this to a bunch of people who were tucking into a bag of reconstituted food that resembled a pile of four day old cat litter was beyond me.  You see they had entered reputedly the hardest foot race in the world over some of the most inhospitable terrain on the planet and which this year was due to be 148 miles long and they had pulled out after TWELVE MILES.  Yes you read that right they pulled out after just twelve miles.  I remember thinking (I probably said it out loud actually) that this person had probably been walking around their friends and colleagues before they left home bragging that they were going to do the hardest foot race in the world.  They probably even bragged about running 100 miles a week including at least one session of 40 miles before breakfast.  My guess would be that the hardest running they did though was running a bath the day before they left for Morocco.

Don’t get me wrong here, this person probably had every intention of completing this event, why else would they sit on a bus for seven hours to be driven into the middle of hell, sit through a 50 mile an hour sand storm and then share a night in a tent with a group of people whose only common denominator was that they all find the common fart impossible not to laugh at.  But it turns out that everything that they had been saying prior to turning up at the start line was bulls**t and when the flag dropped to start the race and they were called upon to back up their bulls**t they couldn’t do it.  The good intentions were all there but their heart just wasn’t in it, and even if it was this event was far too much far too soon.  How many of you who have let go of your good intentions can relate to this?  Don’t go beating yourself up though, just accept that whatever it was that you said you wanted to change, stop, start, do more of or do less of..you didn’t, not really.  You were just saying it for the sake of saying it.

Even if some of you are hanging in there I bet some of you are only pretending to change something.  I bet some of you are pretending that you are stopping smoking because you are only smoking 19 a day now instead of 20.  And some of you will be pretending that you are cutting back on spending by cancelling sky telly or something else that doesn’t make that much difference to your finances while still spending just as much on everything else.   My absolute favourite though are those of you who “can’t understand why I aren’t losing any weight because I’m just not eating anything”  and that’s because you will be pretending that you are losing weight by cutting down on this or that but still saying “I really can’t live without chocolate” or whatever your favourite food is.

You see our friend in the desert was just pretending to compete in the hardest foot race in the world.  They wanted to compete in it, they just couldn’t be bothered to do the real preparation that was necessary to make it happen so they pretended, and they were caught out in the end.  They weren’t unfit, they just weren’t fit enough and deep down they knew that.  All they needed now was a great excuse to take home to their friends and colleagues as to why they gave up twelve miles into a 148 mile race.  I would have loved to hear what it was.   I bet they didn’t go home and say “what really happened was that when I entered the race I wasn’t really committed, I wanted the medal for finishing but I didn’t want to do the work involved to get there.  When the flag dropped I realised that I didn’t want this badly enough and I should never have attempted it in the first place.”  They probably abdicated any responsibility for their lack of fitness and blamed some outside influence.  If your New Year resolution has failed again please don’t be like our friend in the desert, accept that where you are is your own fault and accept that, deep down you are happy to be there.

In my latest Book How to take life by the throat and say “I’m not done yet” which was published in June 2009 there is a chapter titled It’s not your fault but you are responsible in which I point out that where you are and who you are is down to you.  This is an extract from that chapter...

For those of you who have just either thought or shouted out loud “are you saying that I am unhappy with my life or overweight or in debt or in the wrong job or single...again...is my own fault?” I am saying yes, that is exactly what I am saying!  “So” I hear you cry “are you saying that I am any or all of those things because I want to be?”  Well no I’m not saying that you want to be where you are right now.  What I am saying is that it is the actions that you have taken (or not taken as the case might be) or beliefs that you have held to this point that have brought you to where you are now.  For instance...

If you are overweight it is probably because you enjoyed the diet of a bull elephant whilst following the fitness regime of a two toed sloth – as I did.  Be honest, have you ever accidentally eaten anything?

If you are in debt could it be that you have spent money that you don’t actually have nor do you have the means of paying it back immediately?  Again I ask have you ever accidentally signed a credit card slip or loan agreement?

If you find yourself single again ask yourself if you are following a pattern in your relationships that invariably ends the same way.  After all you are the only person who has been in all of your relationships aren’t you?

In short some of you are looking for excuses to explain why you aren’t being at all successful at achieving something that you didn’t actually want to do in the first place.  Can I take this one step further and say that whether you see yourself as overweight, up to your eyes in debt, in an unhappy relationship or job or whatever it was that you said you were going to change you still aren’t committed to changing because deep down you like it too much to change, or at least you don’t dislike it enough to want to change it.

So for those of you who are reading this and you are hanging in there with your commitments and you are in it for the long haul I say congratulations and all power to your elbows.  For those who have let it slip...again... don’t be too hard on yourself.  Accept that you are where you are because of who you are and because deep down you are comfortable with it, then take absolute responsibility for that and get on with enjoying life.

Monday, 04 January 2010

Beware of the worst relative of all!


So Christmas and New-Year are over for another twelve months, all the decorations are down the house is clean again and more importantly all of those relatives and friends have left and it’s just you again.  I say all of the relatives have left, my guess is that for some of you the worst relative of all is just about to visit you in the shape of ‘Auntie Climax.’  Out of all of the pain in the arse relatives you might have this one is surely the worst of the bunch. 

Auntie Climax only visits when all of the fun is over.  Don’t get me wrong, she is always here it’s just that for most of the time we choose to ignore her, but she IS here.  She watches as you prepare, sometimes for months, for something special and then comes just as everything is cleared up.  She doesn’t discriminate either; it’s not just this time of the year that she visits.  She watches as you build up to your holidays, she enjoys it as you take weeks to decide what clothes to take.  She laps it up when you get your new passport just in time or as you take yourself off and buy a new camera.  She loves it when you get to the airport because being at the airport is all part of the fun.  She doesn’t even mind when she sees you having the time of your life on the beach or on the deck of your cruise liner because she knows that all too soon you will be back home, back to work and back into the same old routine.  Because then she can move in.

You always know when Auntie Climax is visiting simply by the mood change that happens around you.  All of a sudden those things that you used to get on and do without much thought are laborious, your social life seems dull compared to the time you have just had.  Even some of your friends seem less exciting or attractive than before SHE moved in.  Nothing seems settled anymore, you find yourself uttering things like “same shit just a different year” or “is it really three months before the next bank holiday?” and worst of all “do you realise that there are only 358 shopping days to Christmas.?”  This relative doesn’t care about the amount of damage that she can cause in your life, especially in your relationships.  In fact nothing would give her more pleasure than to see two people split up simply because of a lack of excitement in their lives following something amazing... like a marriage!!!!! 

Personally I haven’t had a visit from my horrible auntie for some years now, in fact the last time I met her was around May time in 2006 after I had completed the Marathon Des Sables.  For two whole years I had prepared for this event.  I had spent whole weekends walking and running up and down hills.  Hours were spent sourcing the best, lightest and most reliable equipment.  In fact it wouldn’t be too bold a statement to say that for the last six months leading up to the event it took over my life.  And then, after ten days away from home taking part in was is reputed to be the hardest foot race in the world I was back and suddenly there was nothing to do, nowhere to run to or at least no reason to run.  Even after an event like that I found myself saying “was that it...two years for that?”  Fortunately on this occasion Auntie didn’t stay too long because I had another adventure planned for just ten months later when I was travelling to Argentina to climb 7000 metres. 

That wasn’t the case in 1990 though.  This time I had prepared for THREE YEARS to compete in my first ever Ironman triathlon.  This event really did take over my life to the point where I am willing to admit it even put paid to my seven-year marriage.  When the day of the race finally arrived I was so very ready for it, the gun went to start the race and for the next few hoursI was realising the goal that I had been working towards for three long years.  I can honestly say that the feeling I got when I woke up the morning after finishing that race and achieving that goal was one of the emptiest feelings I have ever experienced.  This time I didn’t know too much about goal setting, I had just focussed on this event and ONLY this event for three long years.  I was lost now; there really was no reason to go to the pool or to get the bike out.  In fact I am ashamed to say that the race was on 6th June 1991 and I never rode my bike again for the rest of that year.  Auntie Climax hadn’t just visited me she had damn well moved in.

These are two extreme examples that most (sane) people won’t be able to relate to.  I bet there are a few of you reading this who can relate to the Christmas / New-Year one or the holiday one though aren’t there?    In fact a few of you might even be reading it during your first day back at work.  So how did I stop her visiting me again and more importantly how can we all work together to make sure that Auntie Climax is put out of business forever?  Well its simple really in that all we have to do is have something to look forward to shortly after whatever it is you are presently looking forward to is done.  It doesn’t have to be climbing a mountain or running a desert and it certainly doesn’t have to involve spending money.  It just has to be something that is exciting or different enough that you look forward to it.  Because when you are excited, when you have something to look forward to, when there is something in your life that requires even a little planning and that will change your ‘normal routine’ even just a little bit it pisses Auntie Climax off something chronic.  This is when she can only sit and watch in the hope that you have nothing else immediately to look forward to.

Personally as I said the old witch hasn’t visited me for a few years now because there is ALWAYS something in my life to look forward to.  For instance so far this year I am looking forward to...

Friends for dinner on 15th and we haven’t sorted a date with Richard and Louise yet either

My friend Charlotte is coming from Denmark for 4 days on 23rd

The new Rugby League season starts on 29th January

The Sound of Music singalong in February

Booked tickets to see ‘Dream Boats and Petticoats’ in Leeds in March

Black Tie dinner in Manchester in March

Will be delivering my new ‘Vision Engineering’ programme several times this year

A whole weekend in front of the telly over 1st and 2nd May watching rugby

A whole weekend in front of the telly in October watching Ryder Cup

HUGE business event from 16th to 19th June

Committed to playing golf every available Tuesday through the year

Holiday booked for 5th September

39 speaking gig’s booked in for 2010 so far each one is an adventure

Great charity event to celebrate something amazing in October (watch this space)

In fact there are 13 yellow dots (social adventures) and 39 red dots (speaking adventures) on my wall planner already for this year.  And then there are all of the things that haven’t been planned for as yet like all of the Bank Holidays that are coming up and there are bound to be a few movies out this year that merit an adventure including a trip to Chiquitos before or after.  In fact right now I can honestly say that life is such an adventure that sleep is regarded as a necessary inconvenience.  The only down side that I can see to this is that we might be so busy that I forget to do my Christmas shopping until 23rd December again because after all, there are only 358 shopping days left apparently.  

So what about you guys, how are you going to make sure that if the wicked Auntie visits you this year it is for as short a time as possible?  Better still how can you prevent her from getting into your life at all?  Here is my challenge to you.  Take out your diary as soon as you (and your partner if you have one) can and arrange something that you can look forward to at least for the first three months of this year.  And remember that Auntie climax is waiting to move in just as soon as your guard drops.

Thursday, 31 December 2009

That was then..this is now

Well that’s it for another decade.  Does anyone else think that Millennium eve seems like a couple of years ago?  How do you recall that amazing night when the excitement of a new Millennium was tainted by the fear of aeroplanes falling from the sky, bank machines going haywire and nuclear warfare made a reality when all of the computers in the world went tits up because of clocks and computers not recognising 00.00.00?  Since then the world and those in it have changed a great deal, some for better and some for worse. 


Mankind has tried its best to eradicate itself from the planet in more ways than one.  9/11 was only nine years ago.  The day it happened I was working in London.  I had woken up that morning to discover that for the second time in as many months my car had been broken into.  I drove all the way home listening to the commentary and when I arrived I sat transfixed in front of the TV not quite believing what I was watching.  Where were Arnie, Bruce or Rambo?  When were they going to save the world?
As a result of this we were taken to war on what we now know was a false pretext of finding WMD.  We were to spend the rest of this decade and goodness knows how much of the next fighting one war or another and we all know that there is not going to be a winner who ever waves the white flag first.


It was on 29th August 2005 when Mother Nature decided to vent her spleen and remind us that she and only she will decide when this planet is brought to its knees completely when on Boxing day 2004 she destroyed thousands of square miles and took 250,000 lives in the Asian Tsunami.  She gave us a second reminder of her power on 29th August 2005 when she practically whipped New Orleans off the map by way of Hurricane Katrina.  Here at home we have seen several examples of her power by way of flooding and adverse weather conditions.  Surely this is just her reminder that no matter how powerful or clever the human race thinks it is she is still the mightiest power of all?


Climate change has been a major topic of the decade and the closer we get to destruction the further away we get from a reason for it.  Perhaps it was Mother Nature who brought about the destruction of the dinosaurs (it certainly wasn’t me leaving my telly on standby was it?) and perhaps it will be her who decides that planet earth needs a reshuffle when she is ready to administer it? 

Something that disappoints me personally that has become more prevalent over the last decade (or at least I have started to notice it more) is the lack of common decency and plain old good manners.  Are please and thank you such very hard things to say?  Perhaps this is best reflected by the sign outside my neighbours house that was put up for their young son at Christmas, it simply says “Santa stop Here” with no use of the word please on there.  If we want our children to show good manners then perhaps we should become the change that we want to see.  There appears to be an entire forgotten generation of young people who have been confined to the scrap heap during the noughties.  A huge number of this generation seem to have a complete disregard for themselves or for other people and their property.  Perhaps this could be because children are having children at an alarming rate with seemingly no form of support or responsibility for their offspring and it’s a crying shame.  The answer (in my truth) is for us to go back to plain and simple family values including respect for self and others which of course includes the use of the expressions please and thank you.  Given that we teach people how to treat us my belief is that the more often we show respect to others then the more often we will have respect shown to us.  Why not join me in this one, let’s become the change we want to see and we can start by saying please and thank you at every opportunity.


Another subject that will define the ‘noughties’ for me will be the meteoric rise of the litigious society that we are now living in.  A “where there is fault there is blame” mentality coupled with  ambulance chasing lawyers and unscrupulous people who see litigation as a career path have made sure that a great deal of the fun I had as a child is now outlawed as contravening health and safety laws.  Climbing trees, throwing stick at conkers even throwing snowballs are banned.  Calling Christmas – Christmas is outlawed because it might offend other religions when they genuinely couldn’t give a toss what we call it or how we celebrate it.  The list is endless.  Some people are blaming overzealous politicians or local councils for instigating these rules whilst others blame the lawyers who pursue the claims.  Personally neither would be successful if those of us who are more than willing to abdicate any responsibility for our actions and outcomes  would look in the mirror and take some damn responsibility for our lives our actions and our outcomes.  “I was walking in the corridor when I slipped on some water”...WELL LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING!!!!!!!



Personally the noughties has been a growing period for me.  Things have happened and I have got over them.  People have entered my life and stayed whilst others have entered and left.  I went through a huge change after my divorce from Sara when I realised that every time something goes wrong in my life the only common denominator is me.  For the most part though the changes have been positive, especially in 2009 (more later).


A defining moment for me thought was in 2007 when the Universe had listened to my arrogance about mental illness, namely depression, for long enough.  You see my head was so far up my own arse that I used to say that depression was a decision, that those who were claiming to suffer from it should just ‘get a grip’ and shake themselves out of it.  That was until four years of physical an emotional challenges took their toll and I had a breakdown.  I was diagnosed with chemical depression brought on by physical exhaustion.  I’m ok now but that was an amazing learning experience for me in more ways than I can ever explain in one blog entry.  The physical achievements that had a great deal to do with that exhaustion will stay with me forever though.  Climbing Kilimanjaro in 2004 and Aconcagua in 2007, completing the Marathon Des Sables in 2006 the Paris, London and New York marathons between 2001 and 2004 all added to the physical battering I was inflicting upon myself.  I would not change one thing if I had to do it all again though because it is these achievements and my many others that have made me who I am and the achievement that I am most proud of as I sit here is that I genuinely like who I have become as we enter a new decade.


It would be remiss of me to leave the last decade without mentioning the mighty  Rhinos who at the beginning of the century had not won the championship since the mid 70’s and who, as we speak, have now claimed the championship four, yes four, times including every year for the last three years.  Excuse my indulgence here but it is often said that no one remembers who came second well we do...
2007 Saint Helens
2008 Saint Helens
2009 Saint Helens
Ok indulgence over.


And so to the year just passed.  What a year 2009 has been.  Some of you will no doubt be glad to see the back of it and others (me included) will be happy if 2010 picks up exactly where 2009 left off.  Whatever the last twelve months and indeed the last decade have given you it is worth remembering that it is now resigned to the history books and those telly programmes that will come out in 20 years time to remind us what went on in the ‘golden year’ of 2009.


Personally 2009 is a year I will remember with affection.  It was a year of growth for me (physically as well as emotionally.)  I found my purpose and committed it to paper.  I walked away from a physical challenge, not because I couldn’t finish it but because I couldn’t find a reason to finish it.  That was a particularly powerful growing experience for me.  My business has gone from strength to strength over the last five years and 2009 was no different.  Of course I struggled more than in other years.  However the work is still out there, it is just a buyer’s market right now.  This doesn’t mean that I was prepared to accept anything just to get a gig, I wasn’t.  I now know what I am outstanding at and I focus on that and leave the other stuff to people who are outstanding at it.  What kept me going and my business growing was the fact that I was prepared to be flexible and also that I have been meticulous in previous years at forging relationships and creating a reputation that has held me in good stead. 


I celebrated another chance to extract my head from my behind when I was invited to speak with some homeless guys a few months ago.  To that point I believed for the most part that homelessness was self-inflicted and that these guys (as with the depressed guys a few years ago) should get a grip and sort themselves out.  What I actually found was a group of people who have found themselves on hard times and who would dearly like to ‘get a grip and sort themselves out’ but who don’t know where to start or who find the institutionalisation of hostels and prisons preferable to taking personal control of their lives.  Of course most of them suffer from some self-inflicted addiction like drugs or alcohol but each one has their own story and each one just wants to be listened to and helped a little.  These are not losers who dropped out of school and society.  There are some very VERY clever and well educated people in the groups I now work with who just need a leg up.  I truly hope that the universe continues to give me opportunities to grow as it has done up to now.


If the media is to be believed I guess 2009 is best forgotten as quickly as possible.  Wars still rage, superstars still pass away in questionable circumstances, and some politicians still see their position as one that entitles them to treat the rest of us like shit on their shoe.  If there is one negative thing that I will remember from 2009 it is the fact that not one politician as yet has ended up in a court of law for their underhand and (in one case at least) darn right illegal expenses claims.  Let’s hope that the next twelve months brings some positive chances and an influx of integrity to those who govern us.  The chances are though that we will still be involved in at least one war, justifiably or not.  We will still being taxed to the hilt to pay for a fictitious climate battle that mother nature has already decided we are not going to win whether I leave my telly on standby or not and drivers will still be abandoning their cars because the 4 inches of snow that fell last night took everyone by surprise.


Yes folks 2009 is gone in fact to coin a timeless phrase “it is no more, bereft of life it rests in peace...its f*****g snuffed it” and we can all look forward to 2010.  You can make a choice right now that 2010 will be a great year or it will just be a case of “same shit just different year” it’s your call.  You see whatever you believe about the next twelve months is a lie, everything you believe about the future is a lie until you make it the truth.  If you say on New-Year’s eve that you aren’t looking forward to next year because it’s going to be tough, business is going to continue to be a struggle in fact you are not even certain that you will make it through the next twelve months then you are telling a lie.  At least you are telling a lie until you make it true.  Likewise if you join me and say that 2010 is a year to grow even more, that the business is out there I just have to keep coming up with more honest and authentic ways to attract it, that this time next year I will be looking back on a year of growth and achievement then you are also telling a lie at least you are until you make it true.  So if whatever you say about the future is a lie until it becomes the truth then which lie is it going to be more beneficial for us to believe?  For me it’s a no-brainer.  I intend to have an amazing 2010.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly sure how I am going to have an amazing 2010, I just know that I am and I am happy for you to join me.


Remember that a year is 365 days long so you don’t have to achieve everything all at once.  Once you know what you are planning to achieve in the next twelve month decide what small thing you can do RIGHT NOW that if you did it consistently will bring about the vision that you set yourself for the end of the year.


If you want to lose weight 2.2 ounces a day will lose you one pound a week.  That will make you 52 pounds or 3 stones and 10 pounds lighter this time next year.


If you want more money for Christmas next year £2.50 a week (the equivalent of a latte at Starbucks) will give you £120 to spend a week before Christmas.


If you want to grow your business then one extra phone call per day will give you 240 calls per working year, you do the maths on the business that could generate.


Writing a page per day will give you a 365 page novel or other book ready to publish by the end of the year.



I could go on but I think you get the picture.  Almost anything that you want to achieve in 2010 can be broken down into 365 bites sized pieces that you can tackle on a daily basis.  So my challenge to you is to decide what it is that you would like to celebrate achieving in the last twelve months on 31st December 2010 and then set about achieving it one 365th at a time.  And write this question on your office wall or use it as a screen saver...


“What is the smallest thing I can do on a consistent basis that will have the greatest positive effect on my goal?”  And then set about doing just that.



I would like to close this message by sharing just a few of the lessons that I have been fortunate enough to learn (sometimes the hard way) over the last ten years and that I will continue to observe in the future.
1. I have learned that having a purpose in life gives me a reason to do whatever it is that I am doing.  It is at the very core of who I am.


2. I have learned that to know your personal values, the rules by which you live your life, you can live your purpose to the best of your ability.


3. I have learned the meaning of abundance that my rewards in life will be in direct proportion to my contributions.  I have learned to give without remembering and to receive without forgetting.


4. I have learned that it is the things that I let go of from my past that will help me move forward to my future.


5. I have learned the true meaning of authenticity “entitled to acceptance of established credibility.”  I realise that it matters not what I tell you that I do with and in my life, it is what I ACTUALLY do when I am my only witness that creates my integrity.  Try this one on the golf course!


6. I have learned that my character, what I actually think of me, is more important than my reputation which is what other people think of me.


7. I have learned the true meaning of the law of association which states that “you either are, or will become, a reflection of the people or the environment that you surround yourself with.”  If your life is in a mess take a look around you!


8. I believe that as long as I am facing in the right direction if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other I have to get there in the end.


9. I do NOT believe that there is such a thing as self made.  I cannot survive without the love and support of others.


10. I believe in cause and effect, that whatever happens to me in my life (the effect) will in some way be as a result of my own actions (the cause).  When you believe in cause and effect you need never be surprised at your own success.


And finally


11. I believe that certain people will read this and spend the next twelve months trying to prove my last ten statements... simply because that is what they do. 

I wish each and every one of you an amazing year and I truly hope that 2010 brings you everything that you wish for yourselves.
 

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Out of the mouths of babes.....

The largest audience I have ever spoken to in my career as a professional speaker was 34,000 when I shared a platform with the late Robin Cook MP at the York Knavesmire. My guess is that at least 33, 950 were not even listening to a word I said. The smallest audience I have ever spoken to was .... none. Yup we put on an evening for parents at a school in York and absolutely no one turned up so I used the time and facilities to practice some new stuff on my own. Some speakers seem obsessed by the number in their audiences and even gauge their success as a speaker on such statistics. I have often said, and I still maintain, that it is not the size of an audience that matters it is the effect that you have on your audience that will determine your success. The following extract from a student magazine speaks for itself.

Continue reading 'Out of the mouths of babes.....'

Thursday, 03 December 2009

Sometimes something happens that makes you smile.

For a long time now I have believed that we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves and others. I believe this story only enhances that belief.

Those people who truly know me know that I have a set of personal values that I strive to follow consistently. Today they were tested when I got a parking ticket in Leeds and, although I never thought I would ever say this, I have to say that I am immensely pleased that I did. Here is the letter I sent to Leeds City Council by way of appealing against it...

Continue reading 'Sometimes something happens that makes you smile.'