Wembley adventure 2010

I’m not one for using alarm clocks; the word ‘alarm’ itself puts me off.  However I was persuaded by the only person more excited than me about our upcoming trip to Wembley to watch the mighty Leeds Rhinos in the challenge cup final to set an alarm.  “Set it for six” Elaine said.  “Why” I replied, “there are only two of us!”  We negotiated and I set it for 6.20 safe in the knowledge that, as is usual when I employ outside influences to take charge of my subconscious mind, I would be awake well before it went off.  Of course I woke up early, I am a little boy at heart and today is the day we get on a bus and go to Wembley, I hardly flipping slept at all.  So I got up early, made us a cup of tea, took it back to bed and then got up and on with our adventure.

Our next door neighbour who is a top bloke had already offered to take us to Leeds to catch the National Express coach directly to Wembley so we pitched up in his drive as arranged at 7.15 a.m.  Both Elaine and I were decked out in our team colours and I carried the rucksack that contained enough ‘stuff’ to keep me occupied during the four-hour journey.  I have to say that when we booked the National Express coach directly to the ground we did have our reservations (emotionally as well as literally) given that both of us had used the same mode of transport many years ago and both had memories of sharing a double seat with some big bloke who took up half the aisle as well or with a smelly student whose Mum and Dad waved him off with a wry smile on their face knowing that he was, for the next ten weeks at least, someone else’s problem.  Even some of our more snobby friends had giggled when we told them about our choice of transport to the game.  Our reasons for booking it though were simple...

• It was direct from Leeds to the ground and straight back again
• There was no hassle going into London on the train and out again on the underground
• It was only £67 return FOR BOTH OF US

As we pulled up at the magnificent stadium some four and a half hours later we both agreed that we had made a good choice.  The journey down was comfortable.  There was a loo on board.  And the only other passengers were also supporters of the mighty Rhinos who were surprisingly quiet on the way down but not as quiet as the return journey would prove to be.  A stop was made at Leicester Forest service station which by the time we arrived resembled the South stand at Headingley ground the night of a home game.  There was even one enterprising bloke who had set up shop selling Rhinos memorabilia to the many people who were prepared to shell out for it.

We only really appreciated the wisdom of our choice of transport though when we reached the stadium itself.  Our coach carried on past every car and coach park until it reached the road which runs directly under Wembley Way, and there it stopped.  Our driver parked directly next to the steps into the ground which literally left us about 200 metres to walk to get to our seats...which were brilliant.  This was Elaine’s first trip to a major final so her seat had to be a good one.  Row 43, block N right on the half way line.

 

How do they know?

Because I asked nicely and because Stephanie who works for the corporate side of Leeds rugby is so lovely we were granted our (my ) request of end of row seats.  Even the prices at the stadium weren’t going to spoil our day.  Now don’t get me wrong here, I wouldn’t dream of paying four quid for a pint of Guinness at home but this is a major stadium and you expect to pay more.  Ok so £4.30 for a 33cl bottle of lager is a bit steep but if there are people who are prepared to pay £4.30 for a 30cl bottle when they could pay ten pence less for a pint of the same stuff but choose not to whose fault is that?  I did have to agree that four quid for a ‘beef’ pie that probably contained less beef than the entire buffet at a tree huggers wedding was a bit steep but again, no one forced me to pay it.  It was all a part of the experience as far as we were concerned.  Even when Elaine accidentally kicked over her Guinness at her seat she was able to get the guy next to her to say it was his fault and insist on buying her another!

   

As usual the main event was preceded by the final of the National Schools competition.  We watched the game in its entirety and must surely have seen the emergence of a future star of the game.  A young man called Liam Paisley who played for the eventual winners,  Dowdales School from Barrow, was everywhere and was eventually to be crowned man-of-the-match presumably for his none stop running and hat trick of tries.  I say hat trick because he was credited with a hat trick.  However as he crossed the line for his third try with enough time and space to dance the dance of the seven veils if he chose to, his young mate came screaming up behind him and Liam selflessly handed him the ball and let him have the glory of scoring a try at Wembley.  Surely the unselfishness of this act must indicate a young man who has a great future in the game...I’m not too sure his coach would be too happy about it though.  The trophies for the schools game were presented by Ellery Hanley.  As the presentation was shown on the big screen a young boy behind us asked his Dad “Who is that black man?”  Bloody hell, talk about out of the mouths of babes.  I’m not sure whether the stunned silence was because an innocent young lad had the audacity to point out that Mr Hanley was a different colour or that even at his young age he didn’t recognise arguably the greatest rugby league player that Great Britain has ever produced.  The whole thing was put in perspective though when his Mum said “that’s the man who was on the dance programme on telly”...oh how the mighty fall ey?   Personally I was mightily impressed at the way Ellery spoke with every single one of the players on both teams, winners and losers, and also gave the captain of the winning team a moment he will never forget when he lifted him onto his shoulder with the cup.  I am all for having winners and losers in children’s sports and a few words from a legend to the losers must have gone a long way to helping them come to terms with it.

‘Abide with me’ was a song that my Dad always sang along with, that and ‘Edelweiss’, so when the opera singer sparked it up I sang it for him along with 85,000 other people who were hoping that the other 84,999 would drown out their dulcet tones.  It still brings a tear to my eye and makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck though.

 

   

Abide with me

The game kicked off.... and 80 minutes later it ended.  The mighty Rhinos had not managed to add the Challenge Cup to the Grand Final trophy and at least half of the crowd would go home disappointed.  That was to be my second disappointment of the game though.  My first was when we saw a fight break out in the stands, and I don’t mean handbags at ten paces I mean an all out fight.  Ok ay so it was as the opposite end of the stadium to where we were but in all of my years watching rugby league this was the first time I have ever seen anything like it and I was genuinely shocked.  We were surrounded by opposition fans, as were they, that’s the beauty of our sport.  It is a family game.  There is no place for this sort of behaviour.

A short walk to the steps and we were back onto the bus for the drive home which was to say the least very quiet.  There were no conversations about how bad the ref was or how the other side were lucky.  It was just accepted that we were beaten by a better team on the day.  I wondered about the motivation of both teams.  I have no doubts that both teams went there with every intention of winning but I couldn’t help wondering if, as holders of the trophy from 2009, Warrington’s will to retain it was greater than Leeds’s will to obtain it? Is it the same in life -  are we more fierce about protecting what we have worked for than we are about getting something new?   

The National Express coach pulled into Leeds at 9.30 where once again our neighbour Mark was waiting to pick us up and take us home.  By ten thirty we were back in bed with a cup of tea giggling at the fact that the last sixteen hours had gone like this...

• Tea in bed
• Into Marks car to Leeds
• Out of Marks car straight onto a coach for Wembley
• Out of the coach straight into the stadium
• Out of the stadium straight into the coach
• Out of the coach into Marks car
• Back in bed with a cuppa

We worked out that the furthest we had walked all day was about 200 yards and yet we have another adventure to cherish forever.

As for the game, yes I am desperately disappointed but what I feel is probably not even close to what the players are feeling today and for the immediate future.  It’s not the taking part that counts it is without a shadow of a doubt the winning that counts.  Elaine and I went to Wembley to watch our team win and we lost.  We are back home now and going back to our jobs tomorrow.  For the players THIS IS THEIR JOB and I know how I feel when things don’t go well at work so far from annoyance with these guys I have nothing but empathy.  They will bounce back and my life will go on being the adventure it is because when all is said and done it could be worse, it could be a lot worse, I could be a Castleford fan.

 

Feedback on customer service...or not!

Isn’t it amazing how many time you see some great customer service only for it to be let down by the actions or attitudes of others.   I have lost count how many times my toilet paper has been folded into an arrow in my room and then the room service that I ordered was wrong, cold or late.  Frankly I would rather that room service turned up on time than have a pointy end on my bog roll, personally I have never felt a need to be so accurate with toilet paper anyway.

Recently I witnessed some outstanding customer service in a hotel in Leicester that, as is my habit, I wanted to bring to the attention of both the manager of the hotel and the owners of the hotel chain.  Although I wasn’t exactly prevented from doing so my job was made less easy by the omission of a congratulatory form on the hotel chains website.  Elaine and I find it strange that on most websites there is a link “if you have a complaint about the service you have received” yet we have yet to see a similar link “if you would like to congratulate our staff on a job well done”. 

Anyway back to the point in mind.  How do you congratulate an establishment on some amazing service and at the same time bring to their attention something that might just be letting them down?  This is how I did just that following a lovely stay at the Ullersthorpe Hotel and Golf Club in Leicester.  I think it is self-explanatory.....

The General Manager
Best Western Ullersthorpe Court
Frolesworth Road
Ullersthorpe
Leicester
LE17 5BZ
17th August 2010

 
Dear Sir,

After a short stay at your hotel over 15th and 16th August I felt compelled to write and congratulate you on the quality of both your hotel and your staff.  Although every member of your staff worked hard to enhance our stay I would like to point out Jayne Foster for particular praise.  When I walked into the reception area and saw Jayne’s smile I knew we were in for a nice stay.  You really should consider changing her job title from whatever it is now to ‘director of first impressions’.  I was part of a group of ten and I am aware that a group of this size must always bring with it a few challenges, ours was no different.  Jayne’s attitude was never anything less than positive, friendly and helpful and everything was sorted with the minimum of fuss and with her endearing smile.  The staff in the restaurant were just as helpful especially Fern who when we asked for Caesars dressing brought it, likewise with more bread or mint sauce.  Nothing was too much for these guys and I commend you for the high standards of your staff and, by the way, the quality of the towels in the rooms.  Please pass on my gratitude to all.

I only wish the same could be said for some of the pompous little men who run the golf section and I would be grateful if you would share this with them please.  My friends and I are not journeymen or hackers, we are a group of golfers whose handicaps range from 7 to 28 and who all play at least once, mostly twice, a week.  As members of a lovely club in York we are also aware of some of the strange rules that come with the game.  However I have seldom, if ever, seen such incongruence to the rules as was displayed by some of the representatives of your club, not least the club captain.

On Sunday following my round I entered the club house for a couple of drinks.  There were no notices or signs anywhere that pointed out that wearing a hat in the club house was not allowed.  As I was stood at the bar in conversation with the lady serving me the captain said “Young man “,(I am 52 years old) “would you take your hat off please?”  I immediately apologised and removed the offending item.  The member of staff serving me then said to the club captain “can you come and see me at the bar before you leave, please?” to which he answered loud enough for everyone to hear “why, do you want me to take you round the back?”  To say that I was shocked is putting it mildly to say the least.  I may not have the manners to remember to take off my genuine £15 Nike golf cap sir but I do have enough respect and integrity to treat a lady like a lady and to speak to her with the respect that she deserves.

On Monday morning as I was making ready for my 9.30 T time I was reminded by the timekeeper that the club has a white socks with shorts rule.  As a member of a club myself I am aware that all clubs have this rule and I was indeed wearing white socks with my tailored shorts.  However my white socks were too short for the liking of this morning winner of the pompous Pratt award who asked me (and I quote) “can I see some more white sock please” and once again I obliged.

What happened a little later though took the daily award (I am certain that this level of pomposity is a daily occurrence) for incongruence and hypocrisy by a club representative.  As with most, if not all, golf clubs there are signs up informing all players that the use of mobile phones in the clubhouse or on the course is forbidden.  You can imagine the shock and jollity of our group when as he was performing his duties as timekeeper for Dave who was addressing his ball at the time white sock man’s mobile phone rang AND HE ANSWERED IT.  I wonder what would have happened if any one of our party had done exactly the same on the first T that morning?

My message to them is – ‘Gentlemen you are at best a small group of harmless, yet slightly patronising, buffoons who perhaps have little or no say in what goes on at home.  You are at worst a shining example of the very yob culture that you are so obviously trying to discourage from using your club.  None of what I have just mentioned detracted from two brilliant days of golf for our group; in fact you have provided me with enough material to keep me going for months.  However if it is your goal to protect yourselves from ‘outsiders’ who may want to use your club then you can celebrate success in at least one case because I for one will never drive a ball down your fairways again.  Can I respectfully suggest that you employ the manager of the adjoining hotel to educate you all in customer service and integrity?’

To the manager and staff at the Best Western Ullersthorpe I say kudos to you all you are fantastic.  To the few incongruent jobsworths next door I say take your hat off, pull your socks up, turn your phone of and get your head out of your backside. Gentlemen in the words of Sid Vicious “we are here for a good time not a long time”...chill out.

Warmest regard
Clive Gott
 

On second thoughts the referee might now be a w****r

A couple of things happened at the recent Leeds Rhinos V Wigan Warriors game that re-emphasised for me that what we see (or think we see) might not be what actually happened and what we hear could be a million miles from what was actually said. 

As a Rhino supporter I, like many other supporters, tend to see every decision taken by the referee as negative if it is against us or “of course he is right” if taken against the opposition.  You see I want my team to win and anything that looks like it could jeopardise that is seen as a wrong decision.  The problem with that is that I am watching the game from up in the stands, the referee on the other hand is on the pitch where he gets a much better view of how things unfold.  As a referee he is also much more aware of the rules of the game than I am (although this too is brought into question by me and other supporters on a consistent basis.)  My truth is that because I want my team to win I tend to see things that didn’t actually happen, or I see something that has happened in a way contrary to the facts.  A great break by the opposition which resulted in a try on Friday night was greeted with cries of “forward pass” by me and those around me.  A penalty awarded against our player for a high tackle was shouted down with screams of “never ref...He fell into it!”  On the other hand an identical tackle by an opposition player brought a somewhat vociferous call for the offending player to be sent to the bin.  It’s funny sometimes how we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear based on the beliefs that we have about a given situation or the outcome that we want to happen.

As is my habit after most live games I went home and watched the game again on TV.  It is only then, with the benefit or replays and slow motion, that I have to grudgingly accept that most (never all) of the decisions taken by the referee were good calls and that what I had seen from the stands was in fact a figment of my imagination based on my prejudice towards my team.  Looking at the high tackle from another angle or seeing the perceived forward pass from above allows me to accept that my initial evaluation was way off the mark and that the ref did indeed call it right. 

Have you ever got yourself involved in an argument between two people, one of whom was your friend, and without knowing the full facts automatically taken your friends side simply because they are your friend?  I know I have...many times.  Have you ever gesticulated at another driver who you perceive to have carried out a less than safe manoeuvre that has seemingly put your life in serious danger when, if you had the benefit or a re-run on TV later, you would have realised that it was actually you that was in the wrong?  I know I have...many times.  In fact if my entire life had been recorded giving me the benefit of a re-run later on I think I would have spent half of my life apologising for things I have said or done in the heat of the moment simply because I was viewing them from the stands and not from the pitch where they happened.

In the case of the referee it is unlikely that I will ever get the chance to apologise to him personally for besmirching his character or bringing into question his obviously perfect eyesight.  Even if I did my guess is that I would be in a very long line of people who should do the same.  The same is not true in my personal or business life though.  So here is my question to you.  Do you always see life from the stands or are you prepared to sometimes get down onto the pitch and look at it from another angle?  Next time you find yourself berating someone for a decision they have made or an action they have taken try to think about it from their point of view.  Make an attempt to see it from the same angle as they see it from; take yourself out of the stands and onto the pitch where things might look completely different.

On the same note the referee might want to watch a game from the stands one day just to see what we see when he is doing what he does.  He might understand why we get excited and animated at some of his decisions.  He might not change the way he does things but he might at least understand why we react as we do.  Likewise you might want to take yourself into a place where you can see how your actions impact on those around you.  Again you may not change what you do or how you do it but you will at least have some insight into why people feel as they do when you act in that way.  I believe it is called seeing things from the other persons perspective. 

It doesn’t have to be red..or even a dot

Since Louise Oosthuizen won the British Open Golf championships recently there has been a few mutterings about the red dot that he had displayed on his golf glove.  For the uninitiated we are taking about a young South African golfer called Louise Oosthuizen (pronounced Louie Owesthenizen) who won the 2010 Open after starting the competition as a 200/1 outsider.  As with most golfers Louise wore a white glove on his left hand.  What was particularly different about Louise though was the fact that he had a red dot sewn into the glove just above the thumb so that he could see it every time he looked down when his hand was gripping a club.  I heard several comments by different commentators over the weekend including why is it there, what does it mean, does it actually work and even, is it legal?

Well of course it works, or at least it worked for Louise and of course it is legal because no one asked him to remove it.  As for what it is and what it actually does though that was not explained fully over the weekend of 15th to 18th July so allow me to enlighten you as best I can.

As I understand it the red dot theory was perfected by the Russian swim coach many years ago, personally I was introduced to it by John Shackelton in 1990 when I was training for my first Ironman triathlon.  Basically the red dot is just a red dot but when given a meaning it can become one of the most powerful tools I have come across for focussing the mind.  As I understand it each swimmer had a time that they were aiming for during whatever championships they were training for, that time was associated with a red dot.  The swimmer would then place a red dot on their shaving mirror (no jokes about Russian ladies here please) so that they would see it every time they looked in that mirror.  They would place one on their light switch so that it was one of the last things they saw at night and the first thing they saw in the morning.  They might have one on the dashboard of their car (or on the back of their donkey’s head depending on which part of Russia they were from) and so on.  In short they would have red dots all over the place so that they would never forget that their main focus was on the time they were aiming for in their chosen event. 

For me the red dot signified a particular time that I had chosen to aim for in my first Ironman.  It became a very powerful anchor for me when I needed reminding about why I was doing something like going out in the rain for ‘another’ long run.  It obviously worked for me because I completed my first Ironman event in a far quicker time than I originally decided upon.  As for Louise I don’t know what his red dot means to him.  If I had to guess though I would say that whenever he looks at it he is reminded of a powerful affirmation  that only he and his coach will be aware of, something like “one shot at a time” or if it refers to his swing style it might mean “follow all the way through.”  These might be statements that the common man like me would assume that a professional golfer would remember purely as a matter of course but we all know that even with the best intentions we can all forget the simplest of things in times when our focus or our attention is drawn elsewhere.  So seeing the red dot on the thumb of his glove as he is setting himself up for his next shot will be a timely reminder that his focus should be on this shot...and this shot only.

Again speaking personally I have started to use the same system again in my golf.  Because I am taking regular lessons I have a lot to remember when I play so I can sometimes be forgiven for forgetting to take the right stance and put the right amount of effort into my swing when I drive off.  So I have copied Louie’s system and given myself a very short (and very personal) chant that I say to myself just before I take my shot.  And just in case I forget I have put a pink spot on my golf glove to remind me that I must say this to myself as I am taking every shot.  Given that it worked for me way back in the late eighties and early nineties it comes as no surprise to me that this method still works today, just ask Nip and the rest of the guys I play with.

Of course your red dot doesn’t have to be red nor does it have to be a dot and it certainly doesn’t have to be anything to do with golf or any other sport for that matter.  It simply has to be something that anchors you to an emotion or a statement that when activated will bring you back to a place of calmness and focus.  You might use a picture of your children for instance.  Your statement might be something about how you are working every day to give them a better life.  If you are working hard to lose weight and tone up your body for your holidays your ‘red dot’ might even be a picture of the island you are visiting or the ship you are cruising on.  Every time you see the picture of the ship you will be reminded of why you are working so hard to improve your appearance or whatever else you are doing it for.   Perhaps you might be saving money for your wedding for example and feeling a little resentful at times that you don’t have the disposable income that you once did, or at least not to spend on the things that you used to spend it on.  This might be helped by a picture of your intended which whenever you look at it is accompanied by a simple chant such as “I am giving up short term pleasure for a lifetime of happiness” (yeah I know...but it might just work if you try it!!!)

When you become proficient at using your anchor or ‘red dot’ you could even use more than one but for now I suggest that you chose one anchor or red dot (why not simply use a red dot?) give your own meaning and share it with no one else and just see how very powerful this method is for bringing you back to a place of calmness or focus when you find yourself wandering.  Let me know how it goes.

Are you getting what you expect or what you deserve..or both?

This is not a blog simply about golf; it is about life love and how to succeed by expecting to succeed.  Please take the examples I am using and apply them to any part of (or all of) your life that you feel could use some improvement.   However I will start with a golf analogy.  Yesterday I hit my lowest score ever over 18 holes on a golf course.  This is indicative of my new attitude towards the game and in particular my refreshed beliefs towards MY game in particular.

Just a few months ago I was hitting balls all over the place and very close to putting my clubs away for good.  I was lucky to hit a fairway with a drive and what happened next was anyone’s guess.  But this is when the people I choose to surround myself with came good because my mate Nip decided that he was sick of my attitude on the course and so he would buy me a lesson and that’s where everything changed.

Let me concentrate on one shot that I took yesterday though that epitomises my new attitude and beliefs about my golf game.  It was on the 16 hole, I drove off and split the fairway, which I did with 70% of the available fairways that day.  According to the markers on the course I was about 165 yards from the front of the green.  In the recent past I would have expected to take at least other two or three shots to get to the green but today was different.  Today my self-esteem as a golfer is much higher which coupled with my beliefs about my ability was enough to encourage me to take out a five wood expecting to reach the green with the next shot.  I went through my short and very personal internal routine, drew my arms back and gently but firmly struck my ball putting it smack on the green.  Two putts were enough for me to put a par 4 score on my card for the 16th.  Earlier I had used exactly the same technique and beliefs to drive a ball to within feet of the flag on a 181 yard par 3 allowing me to put it in the hole for a birdie 2 on the eight hole.  So what has happened to my golf game in the last four months to take me from a hacker to someone who now not only believes that he can play off a handicap 15 in August 2013 but who fully expects to be playing off a handicap of 15 in August 2013?  Well what happened is pretty much the same as happened in my business many years ago and what is happening in most areas of my life right now, I have changed from someone who has low self-esteem, limiting self beliefs and low expectations to someone who actually likes himself, believes that almost anything is possible and who expects to achieve whatever I put my mind to.

So what has happened to my game and to my life in general?  After all I have had a set of golf clubs for more than ten years now, I have played fairly often and as with most things I have played with people who are worse than me and some who were (much) better than me.  My challenge was that I never believed that I was a golfer just as way back in 1999 I struggled to believe that I was someone who could run my own successful business.  My truth is that, even though I had the right tools for the job which for golf is the clubs and for my business is an ability to speak, I either didn’t know how to or didn’t feel the need to use those tools correctly.  When  I started my business I ‘hacked’ for almost two years believing that the level I was at was the level I deserved to be at and that I would probably never reach a higher level and I believed exactly the same about my golf (and about my relationships in the past for that matter.) 

As I matured as a speaker though I took advantage of some of the people around me who knew more about the business than I did and who could point out what I was doing ineffectively and what I could do to improve .  As I followed their advice things began to improve, as things began to improve my business began to grow.  As my business began to grow my self-esteem and self-belief as a speaker grew too to a point where I not only believed that I could do a great job on stage I actually EXPECTED myself to do a great job on stage.  Although I am still learning about myself as a speaker and about the speaking business as a whole I am proud to say that I am at a level that many people aspire to be at and what is more I am happy to say that I deserve all of the success I am enjoying.  Simply put everything that I learned about myself as a speaker I am now relating to my passion for golf.

I could (have) write a book about the whole episode but for now let me talk you through that shot on the 16th and you put the pieces together from there.

Because I have had lessons and because I took professional advice and bought a driver that is perfect for me my initial drive from the tee went exactly where I expected it to go leaving me 165 yards to the green.  My self-esteem as a golfer is now growing and is at a level where I believe I deserve to put that second shot on the green.  Having driven a great shot I believed that a great second shot was possible as long as I went through the correct procedure to make it so.  This positive belief created a very positive expectation about what was going to happen, as long as I did everything correctly.  Because I had a positive expectation my attitude was equally as positive allowing me to take the correct actions that needed taking.  I whispered my affirmation under my breath, drew back my arms and “gently but firmly” struck the ball.  The result was exactly as expected and I wasn’t surprised because I honestly believed I could do it and I can do it again time after time from now on if I take the right actions beforehand.

It was once said that you will never achieve higher than the level of your self-esteem and I have proved in business, in relationships and now in golf the truth of this statement.  So there you have it...

High Self-Esteem
=
High Self-Belief
=
Positive expectations
=
A positive attitude towards your task
=
Taking the right actions to ensure positive results
=
Positive results
&
Positive results = higher self- esteem

And so the spiral continues.  Simples ey?  Without wishing to put a negative spin on it this spiral also works the opposite way in that low self-esteem will create low self belief resulting in low expectations and so on.  So if things are not going well for you in any part of your life right now check your self belief, what are your expectations of yourself and ask yourself if the actions you are taking are the right ones for the results you desire.  If not, and if you don’t know what to do about it, go to someone who does, ask them what to do and then do it as they suggest.  Asking for great results before you have a belief that you deserve them is a bit like asking a stove for heat before you will put any wood in it...lunacy. 

Benidorm Fact-or-Fiction

Its 3 am and the guy in room 1512 is awoken from a deep sleep by what can only be described as domestic disharmony from the room below.  Apparently HE has been out all day and night enjoying himself drowning in beer all day while SHE looks after THEIR kids.  The occupant of 1512 manages to drift off back to sleep just in time to be awoken again by people drifting in from the afore mentioned night life in a fashion that does less than pay respect to others like him who are still trying to sleep.  As the night turns into dawn and our resident is hoping that the next hour will at least be some compensation for his lost sleep he is once again disturbed by a coughing that would be at home in any smoke filled bar.  This goes on so long that our hero gives up on the idea of getting any sleep tonight and takes himself to the shower.

Welcome to my first morning as a resident in the Ambassador Hotel in Benidorm.

Some years ago I was fortunate enough to experience a safari holiday in Kenya.  On the advice of one of the rangers I got up at 4 am one morning and sat very quietly and extremely still by a watering hole.  As the sun came up I was incredibly privileged to watch the day’s activity begin.  The first visitors were a family of Elephants, mum dad and a small calf who took their positions, staked their claim to the prime spot at the water hole, and duly drank their fill.  I was pretty obvious that these guys were the leaders.  Their sheer size was enough to indicate that but also the fact that they had probably established their position in the pecking order for prime positions over a period of time.  They were soon joined by a few Warthogs, who, although they were at least at the pool, knew that they would always be below the elephants as far as superiority and size were concerned.  Eventually several different animals visited the hole each aware of where they belonged and where to go and not go around the hole.  As the ritual ended and the stronger ones left the hole the lesser members of the animal kingdom would then skulk up and enjoy whatever had been left for them to pick at. 

On my first morning in Benidorm I watched exactly the same process take place only this time it was a swimming pool and the animals were humans, everything else was as per the water hole.  It was actually a fascinating experience watching as people staked their claim to beds and positions around the pool.  Over the seven days I was there I actually witnessed that those who arrive later in the week would move nearer the prime spots as the more dominant families left the hotel.  One family even went to the lengths of putting towels on their 6…yes 6…sun beds and then placing four wicker chairs and two small tables on top of the beds thus laying claim to an entire collection of pool side furniture.  What was even more fascinating was that people coming to the pool before the furniture family had returned from breakfast actually accepted that this was enough to guarantee furniture family whatever they had laid claim to.  It was as if either the furniture family had established a reputation of fear that had passed along everyone who had checked in since they staked their claim or perhaps that there is an unwritten rule and understanding amongst the wildlife of the pool that a staked claim could never be taken by another.  That was until I decided to change things.

Personally I am not a pool dweller.  The idea of sitting around a pool all day surrounded by people smoking, drinking and generally considering no one else but themselves abhors me.  But I do respect others who want to do so … enter my two old ladies from Oldham.  I was sat reading my book when the two old ladies, both in their late 60’s, sat close by on wicker chairs.  One said to the other “I don’t think I can sit on these chairs all day again” and her friend agreed.  As is my way I asked them if they would like me to get them a couple of sun beds.  “Oh no love, we are too late again, they are all taken.”  Now if simply laying a towel over a sun bed and bogging off for breakfast constitutes a sun bed being ‘taken’ then the ladies were right.  But in my book it doesn’t, actually LAYING on a sun bed constitutes it being taken.  So I (apparently) took my life into my hands and removed two towels from two beds and dragged them over to where the ladies were, and lo, they were grateful.  I then asked if they wanted a parasol and got the same reply which brought the same reaction, I dragged one of them over as well.  Oh of course there were a few harsh (not to mention choice) words when the Neanderthals who had laid claim to the beds returned to find that their bounty had been taken by bandits but my ladies and I just threw each other a wink and went about our merry way.

Entertainment in the Ambassador Hotel was sometimes interesting, sometimes awful but for the most part always funny, especially some of the tribute acts.  The Scottish Mark Knoffler was first to show himself followed by probably the worst Motown tribute I have ever heard.  Ben (Michael) Jackson was ok though.  Funniest of all though was the parrot show.  Not because it was a comedy show but because of what it did to the audience and especially the 10 or so guys I was with.  There was one parrot that was clever enough to ring a bell to coincide with the number shouted out by kids in the audience.  One shouted “three” and Polly duly rang the bell three times.  The numbers that were shouted out got steadily higher until someone shouted out “Thirst six”.  I then witnessed everyone in sight counting out loud to themselves 1 – to- 36 until Polly finally stopped…right on 36.  I wasn’t so much impressed with how Polly could count that far as how I was impressed with the way that a bunch of parrots could get a group of adults counting aloud to themselves. Human behaviour is truly better than any TV programme ever created.  Unfortunately we didn’t get to see ‘Pete Loaf’ but apparently he held his own.

This was my first (and last) trip to Benidorm but I was there long enough to realise that the TV programme of the same name is not a comedy programme, it is actually a documentary.  The use of mobility scooters in the TV programme was replicated many... MANY…fold in the actual town.  These vehicles which presumably were designed and developed for people who have genuine difficulty getting around and now the chosen mode of transport for anyone and everyone who either finds it difficult (usually because of having to carry a huge amount of excess baggage around on their midriff) walking around or who are simply too bone idle to do so. You will see from the picture that there are now ‘family friendly’ motobility buggies which can actually carry several of these people at once.

     
 

On a positive note the golf was great and, for me at least, a winning experience.  And it allowed me to show a little of my more colourful side on a daily basis. 

   

The most exciting part of the whole holiday though was watching Spain win the world cup in Spain with literally tens of thousands of Spanish and Dutch supporters.  Elaine and I shared the experience with thousands of supporters from both countries in three beach-side bars.  There was no trouble, no fighting and no animosity at the final whistle.  There was just an amazing party atmosphere from the start of the game which went on long after the final whistle into the night and indeed well into Monday morning.

   Spanish supporters Bar

  Dutch supporters bar

 Bar with no telly

For the most part Benidorm is ok.  In fact Mikey put it about right when he said “Benidorm is what Benidorm is”.  If you want to socialise all night, grab some salubrious entertainment and drink until you fall over at night then lay on a beautiful beach all day then Benidorm is probably perfect for you.  If you are looking for something a little more refined then perhaps you should choose somewhere else. 

Can I offer you one warning though.  If you do choose to go there or anywhere along that coast line I cannot emphasise enough that you should steer well clear of using a company called ‘ResortHoppa’ to shuttle you from the airport and back.  They offer a service that would feature well on holidays from hell and have a very clever way of making you call a premium rate number to confirm your trip and keeping you holding on 21 minutes for a 30 second conversation.

Is your networking a gamble or a calculated risk?

I wasn’t going to write about my latest adventure in business until a colleague told me that I must.  They said that it proves that I am prepared to back myself and might just inspire a few others to do the same...so here goes.

I am not an archetypal gambler, my betting activities are usually confined to Rugby League which is something I know something about.  Even then I don’t see it as gambling.  Because the betting is based on giving one team or another a handicap start based on their recent performances and because I follow the game closely and so am aware of certain things going on within the game I prefer to refer to it as taking a calculated risk.  Some of you might see this as me just playing semantics so let me explain the difference as I see it. 

Gambling is placing a wager and hoping that you get the result you want given that you have no prior knowledge of the situation.  For instance this would be pertinent if I were gambling on horse or dog racing given that I have no knowledge of the runners and riders so I choose something with a name that appeals to me.  In fact as we speak, just to prove a point, I have a bet running on the world cup.  I bet £2 on every first round game that the result would be a draw.  I have little or no knowledge of football and there is absolutely nothing I can do to influence to outcome of the bet.  I see this as a gamble.

Calculated risk taking is still wagering a financial sum on the outcome of an event except this time I am justified in expecting a certain outcome given that I have prior knowledge of the players or teams involved.

So far I have referred to sports events for my examples.  However I believe that the same rules apply in business.  Take networking for instance.  If you are in a particular sector of business and you hear about a network meeting that is taking place but you have no knowledge of who is attending or whether they are even relevant to you as a business this could be construed as gambling with your time in that you are attending a meeting hoping to meet someone of interest to you.  If however you have made yourself aware of the attendees list and there are a few people there who are indeed relevant to your business then in this case you might be taking a calculated risk in attending because you have prior knowledge of the people attending.   In this case you are attending with the expectation that you could meet someone of interest to.

This whole conversation came about when I told my colleague that on 16th June I will be attending a two-day networking event on a cruise ship and that I have actually paid £8000 to attend the event.  My colleague took a sharp intake of breath and said “wow, that’s a hell of a gamble you are taking isn’t it?”  Obviously I replied “no, I see it more as a calculated risk than a gamble.”  You will not be surprised to hear that she asked what the difference was in fact some of you may well be asking the same thing.  Allow me to explain. 

I will start by telling you something about the event.  It is an event called The HR Directors Forum promoted by an organisation called Richmond Events (www.richmondevents.com) it is attended by specially invited HR Directors and decision makers from some of the most high profile organisations in the UK and Europe.  These are referred to as delegates and are not charged for attending although they do have to commit to certain business activities whilst on board.  Other attendees are referred to as suppliers, of which I am one.  We have paid differing fees to attend the event depending on the level of networking we want to carry out.  Personally I am one of the speakers and my fee bought me a one-hour presentation to an audience of delegates who will indicate that they are interested in my subject matter which has been displayed on a web site for some time now.  The company make no guarantees of how many people will attend my presentations or that any at all will attend so how can I refer to my investment as a calculated risk and not as a gamble? 

Well firstly I have prior knowledge of the delegates who will be attending because they are displayed on the web site as are my details.  I have worked with some of the organisation before and I am confident that others will want to do so too.

Secondly I have secured exclusivity with my fee.  There will be no other suppliers on board who do what I do or in the manner that I do it.

Third and probably most importantly I am prepared to back myself.  I believe that what I have to share with the delegates is relevant to them and I believe that a percentage of them will indeed have an interest in what I have to say and in how I say it.

So I paid my fee and took my chance...and it paid off.  From the list of delegates who are attending the event enough have indicated an interest in attending my presentation that I am now delivering two one-hour presentations to eighty of the delegates including some companies who have been on my hit list for years.  If you are in business yourself can you imagine how long it would take you to go through the usual process of getting in front of more than 80 decision makers in some of the largest organisations in the UK?  How long would it take you to...

• Find out the name of the decision make

• Find out the contact details of the decision maker

• Get past the gate keeper of the decision maker

• Marry up your diary to the diary of the decision maker (if they even agreed to meet you)

• Handle the several cancellations and re-scheduling of meetings that will occur

• Decide on a mutually convenient time for you to showcase your product to the decision maker

• Find space in your diary to deliver your product when you are still busy chasing or meeting with the other 79+ decision makers

I have estimated that if I were to go through the usual channels to get in front of the 80 delegates I will be speaking directly to this week I would be busy for at least three years and I am not exaggerating when I say that.  I have absolutely no idea how much it would cost me financially or time wise on contracting these people and then on the countless meetings it would take to let them see my product, I suspect that this would run into thousands though.

So you tell me.  By paying £8000 to do something in two days what it would normally take me at least three years to do am I gambling with my time and money or am I taking a calculated risk?  I guess only time will tell so watch this space.  

Happy birthday to me

On Thursday 10th June I celebrated my the end of my eleventh year as a one-man band in the speaking industry.  As I sat there thinking back through some of the things I have achieved and some of the mistakes I have made I felt a mixture of emotions but mostly pride in my achievement of not only lasting eleven years but in  growing what I believe is a reputation for being a speaker with integrity, authenticity and empathy.

I have kept diaries for most of my career so this morning I made myself a nice cuppa and took them down from the shelf to pursue.  The fact that I have come through some challenges to be where I am right now has never been in doubt, it wasn’t until I read some of the entries in my earliest diary that I realised just how far I have come though...

20.7.99.  I discovered I have put the wrong date on my marketing material for the breakfast meeting.  It should be Tuesday 3rd and I have put Wednesday 3rd.

This is something that those who truly know me will have a smile at, I am not good at dates, venues and the like.  I even turned up at the wrong venue in the wrong City to speak before I learned how to keep better records.

21.7.99.  It seems to be going ok but I’m never too confident about it.  My self-esteem is very vulnerable right now, I’m up one minute and down the next but I’m fighting very hard.

I would challenge my credibility on a daily basis in those days  I still do today but now only as a reality check to remind myself that i have truly earned the right to be where I am right now.

20.12.00.  (more than a year later) I believe I have almost hit rock bottom and from there I can only go up.  I am not looking forward to Christmas and I am seriously considering getting a job.  This (starting my own business) could be the worst move I have ever made. Watch this space.

After more than 18 months I am still struggling to make a decent living and pay all of my bills.  I have a tax bill in excess of £5000 to pay off and nothing coming in to pay it with. 

30.1.00.  A huge realisation hits me.  The seminar isn’t going to work it’s just too big a thing to pull off just using mail shots.  In fact mail shots don’t work for anything.  The only way to sell this sort of training is directly to the company.

This was a huge learning pont for me and one that set me on a road to becoming more successful.  Sending out letters or emails hoping that someone somewhere would read it and secure your services is lunacy, you have to SPEAK to people either on the phone of face to face.

As my career continues the diary entries become more positive.  I guess if I was asked what one thing I am more proud of than any other it would be that I never gave up.  I had a vision of what working for myself as a professional speaker and enter-trainer would look like and I never lost sight of it.  So here is today’s diary entry.

10.06.10.  Blooming heck the last eleven years have been a roller coaster but here I am not only still on that roller coaster but I’m in the front seat.

So what have I learned about myself and the speaking industry in the last eleven years?

• If you go in with a vision you are more likely to come out with the result you are looking for.

  Not everyone who claims they want to help you actually do

  There are a lot of people who DO want to help you but you have to ask them for help

  When someone says “we don’t have a budget but the audience is very influential” it rarely is

  Working to make a difference is much more gratifying that working to make a financial killing

  Some people like you, some people don’t.  If you change so that those who don’t like you now do like you then those who did like you probably won’t like you now.  Be who you are, not everyone likes you...get over it

  Life is a series of ups and downs.  How you deal with the down can increase the ups. Shit happens...accept that, deal with it and move on

  All in all life is an amazing adventure that you can choose to enjoy or lament.  Either way you are not going to get out of it alive

  My two most important discoveries were discovering my purpose in life and discovering my true values.  My purpose gets me out of bed every morning and my values help me to sleep soundly every night.  The rest just fits into place.

Hopefully some of this might help a few people who are just starting out on the adventure of self-employment.  It isn't easy, if it was more people would be doing it.  You have no right to success, it has to be earned, you have an apprenticeship to serve before you can handle whatever success you desire.  But it is possible if you have a purpose, passion and values.  See you in another year.

You CAN have your cake and eat it

Today is Tuesday (25th May 2010 to be precise) and I have work to do in order to keep my business at the level that I have it right now.   I also want to support my great mate Dave in his quest to raise money for his favourite charity by playing in his golf day today, T off at 11.30.  Not too long ago I might have been sat here repeating that age old saying “your trouble mate is that you want to have your cake and eat it, and you can’t!”  And then I would have to make a choice between one or the other, run my business or play golf... ”you can’t do both!”  Not today though, today I am going to do both and I will do both without one interfering with the other, today I WILL have my cake and I WILL eat it.  And that goes for just about every other day as well.

Ok so there are some days when I have to do something when someone else dictates so.  I am a professional speaker and when a company like Forever Living products (www.foreverliving.com) book me to speak at their conference at 3.30 on a Saturday afternoon it isn’t going to do too much for my career if I say “sorry, I’m watching the game then, can you hold your conference the day before please?”  No, in this situation someone else is controlling my diary.   This is one of those things that I have to do when someone else wants me to do it.  Of course I still have the option to refuse but that would not support my vision for my business.  Saying yes to them doesn’t mean that I can’t watch the game though, it just means that I have to set sky + and leave the radio off until I get home later to watch it.  So in this situation I can have my cake and eat it, I just have to eat it later.

In what I regard as the greatest personal development recording ever, ‘The strangest secret’ by Earl Nightingale we are reminded that if the average adult sleeps 8 hours a day and works 8 hours a day that still leaves us 72 hours a week when we are neither working nor sleeping .  He then goes on to ask a great question... ”What are you doing with your 72 hours a week?”  Looking at it like that you would be excused for wondering why everyone doesn’t get to do more of what they want to do, why more people don’t get to have their cake and eat it.  Personally I think it’s because a lot of people have not mastered the skill of doing what needs doing WHEN it needs doing so freeing up enough time to do what they want to do when they want to do it. 

‘Vision engineering’ is not some fancy name for window cleaning.  ‘Vision Engineering’ is the name I have given to the skill of planning and prioritising.  It is the skill of creating a vision for your future.  It’s not a new phenomenon or something that came to me when I was walking in a forest one day; it has been around, in one form or another, for more years than I have been in existence.  And what’s more you have probably been practicing it, in one form or another, more than you think you have.  If you have ever written, and then completed, a to-do list then you have practices vision engineering.  It is simply creating a vision of what the future looks like and then executing that vision.  I’m not sat here at 6 am in the morning writing a blog because that’s just the way things panned out today.  I’m sat here writing this blog at 6 am because I also have 3 important emails to reply to and breakfast to eat before I leave for Thirsk at 9.15 which will get me to the golf course in enough time to hit a bucket of balls in the range before my ‘T’ time at 11.38 so on the vision I created for today (last night) I decided that in order to do everything I had to be up early.  Of course I could still be in bed right now and I could have stayed there until 8.45 and still made the golf course, but the blog and emails would not have been completed which means that they would be playing on my mind during the game.  I could also have said no to the golf because I have too much to do (when you say that do you REALLY have ‘too much’ to do or do you simply have other things to do as well?) but of course I would have spent at least a part of the day lamenting the fact that most of my mates are playing and I’m stuck here.  No, today I chose to move my 72 hours around to fit me rather than let them dictate what I can or can’t do.

There really isn’t a time limit on vision engineering.  Personally I am part way into my 1200 vision which is a vision I created to take me up to my 55th birthday in August 2013.  I explained this in a previous blog called ‘Daffodils and Diary dates’ so I won’t go into it again.  At the other end of the scale Elaine had an interesting and mildly (!) amusing introduction to my short term vision engineering skills about a month ago when we went shopping for a dress for her.  For some time she had been looking for a new dress, in fact she wanted a couple of new dresses but finding just one was hard enough.  I have lost count of the times she has been shopping with her mum or a friend and come back saying “I couldn’t find anything” (really....nothing?) or "nothing seems to fit me” (again...really...nothing?) and so the wardrobe remained bare.  So one Friday afternoon when I knew that I would be passing a particular shopping centre I sent her a text which simply said (quote) “Meet me in Starbucks at Monks Cross at half 5, bring my green card, your dress money and my jeans.”  She replied “what a lovely message, see you there.”  We duly met at half five and had coffee in Starbucks.  I asked her to tell me what she was looking for as far as dresses were concerned.  I now had a vision and we were on a mission.  75 minutes later we were back in Starbucks with three dresses and a fourth on its way by mail order because they didn’t have her size in stock (they did have it in stock, it was actually on the dummy and yes, I did take it off the dummy but then found that it was torn so we ordered it.)   The whole story is far too long to tell here but it was a wonder to behold, we were on a mission and we knew what the end looked like before we set off, the look on the young assistants face in River Island was a wonder in itself.  The learning point for Elaine though came when we were moving from Monsoon to Debenhams and had to pass BHS at Home.  She said “let me show you a sofa I have seen in here!”  “Nooooooooo!!!”  Firstly we don’t need a sofa and second, even if we did, we are shopping for dresses not a new sofa.  Vision Engineering won the day again.

I guess it’s a bit like buying a car from auto trader magazine.  There are more than 5000 cars in there.  If you don’t know what you are looking for you could be reading it for months, and when you finally decide which car is the one you want it has already been sold.  However if you know what make you are looking for you can eliminate most of them immediately, and there is no reason to even look at others.  If you can then narrow it down even more by deciding on the model and even the colour it your original 5000+ cars will be narrowed down to perhaps ten or twenty.  Finally if you are like me you will only look at automatic transmission which will leave you with about eight cars to choose between from the whole magazine.  So what looked like a daunting, almost impossible job is now a simple task of deciding which of the 8 you want simply because when you started looking you knew what the end looked like. 

Of course there is always room for spontaneity and flexibility but if you at least start out with a vision the end is going to look that much more clear and achievable.

Lesson 1.   Do what needs doing when it needs doing so that you can do what you want to do when you want to do it.

Lesson 2.  You CAN have your cake and eat it

 

Making a difference to one...

Recently I received an email from Janet, a good friend who works at York College.  She was very excited about a conversation she had just had with a student she knew well.  In a nutshell this student had turned up in college as usual but on this occasion he was driving a car.  Janet asked him whose car it was and he proudly proclaimed that it was his own which he had just bought the previous evening.   Janet said that she congratulated him on being able to afford to buy it and he explained that his parents had helped him to buy it but only on the condition that he saved the deposit himself first.  “Kudos to his parents” said I, what a great way to help your kids to value and respect the things that they own.  It was what Janet told me next that blew me away though.

The student went on to say that he already had most of the money because he had been saving for a few years, he wasn’t sure what for, he was just saving and what is more he was saving a ten percent of everything he earned every month.  He told her that some years ago a guy came into his school to talk at an assembly and he had explained that if they saved a percentage of everything they earned they would not only have some money saved but they would also learn to live on less than 100% of their income.  When Janet asked “was it Clive Gott he said “yeah that’s him, I will never forget what he told me.”

I’m not so anal that I count how many people there are in every audience or even how many presentations I deliver in a year.  I have this theory that my audience doesn’t care whether I have spoken to 5 or 500 audiences, all they care about is that what they get from me is the best that I have.  To be honest with you I have no idea how many schools or business audiences I have stood in front of in the last two years let alone the last eleven years so I have no idea who this young man is.  But I am enormously proud of the fact that out of every person I have ever stood in front of I have made a positive difference to at least one of them.

I was reminded of a conversation I had with Peter who told me recently about a story he had heard John Inverdale relate during a presentation he was making.  This story involved Mary Peters.  Those of you who have seen me speaking might be familiar with my ‘nail in the wall’ presentation which also involves me speaking about a meeting I had with Mary some years ago (if you ever attend part 3 of how to take life by the throat and say “I’m not done yet” you will get your nail).  For those who are not aware of who Mary Peters is she won the Olympic gold medal for the pentathlon at the (in)famous Munich Olympic games of 1972.

The story goes that in her early years as a speaker Mary was speaking at a school where her audience was apparently completely ignoring her.  She went home that evening, opened a bottle of wine and decided that she probably wasn’t cut out for speaking. Fortunately, certainly for me, Mary kept at it.  Some years later when Mary was doing some media work at the 2002 Commonwealth Games in Manchester she was walking through a hotel lobby when she heard someone calling her name.  When she turned round she was greeted by a young lady who said “I want to apologise for the way you were treated at my school many years ago and I want to tell you that you inspired me that day to follow my dreams.”  The young lady, whose name I do not know, was the captain of the England netball team taking part in those games.  I’m sure that Mary has no idea of how many people she has spoken to or how many audiences she has addressed either but she too now knows that she has made a positive difference in the life of at least one of them.

My main key note presentation is called ‘Vapour Trails’ (www.clivegott.com/keynote)  where I speak about the trails we leave behind us whenever we have been anywhere or done something.  Those trails will leave clues as to the sort of person you are and the values you live by.  Once a trail is left those following can choose whether to follow them or not.  It gives me, and I’m sure Mary too, a great deal of satisfaction to know that someone chose to follow ours on at least one occasion. 

No matter how positive or negative they are though vapour trails will fade in time.  I am the first to admit that I am not at all proud of some of the vapour trails that I left behind me in my younger days.  I have done and said things that frankly I am not at all proud of.   Those trails are now fading and being replaced by trails left in the last ten years or so that frankly I am very proud to lay claim to.  But those trails too will fade if not replenished on a regular basis.  That is why I, and people like Mary, constantly ask “is what I am doing right now something that I would be proud to have people follow?”  I am now a God father to a beautiful six month old little girl called Ruby.  We spend a lot of time with her and as such will have some influence on her future, being a God parent is not something you can pick up and then walk away from when it no longer suits you, it is a life time commitment. Something like that focuses you on the trails that you leave more than anything else could.

Finally I think it is pertinent to add say that what the young man did in buying his own car was absolutely nothing to do with me, it was his own doing.  My guess is that whichever school I was speaking at there would have been at least 100 young people in the audience who heard what I said about saving 10% of their income.   If I claimed responsibility for changing his attitude then I would also have to claim responsibility for NOT changing the attitude of everyone who didn’t act on what I said.